


Up

by chooken



Category: Westlife
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anniversary, Awkward Conversations, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dirty Talk, Embarrassment, Erections, Established Relationship, Fingerfucking, Flirting, Friendship/Love, Guilt, Hotel Sex, Inappropriate Erections, Intimacy, M/M, Making Out, Marcky, Masturbation in Bathroom, Oral Sex, Romance, Sexual Dysfunction, Sexual Frustration, Snogging, Touching, Tour Bus Sex, Viagra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 13:21:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4921195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chooken/pseuds/chooken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years into their relationship, and for some reason Nicky and Mark suddenly can't make it work in the bedroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Up

“I'm sorry.”

“It's fine.” Mark looked a little disappointed though, which was not helping the hot blush in Nicky's cheeks at all. He wanted to find somewhere to hide, but it wasn't like he could go anywhere. Not with Mark straddling his thighs, naked and hard and just the best thing ever. He closed his eyes on a frustrated sight, felt lips touch to his forehead, careful and loving.

“I don't know what's wrong with me.”

“It's really fine.” Fingers caressed his cheek. “You want me to go down on you, maybe?”

“We tried that."

“I know.”

Nicky opened his eyes, saw a hesitant smile. “I'm really sorry.”

“It's okay.” One hand trailed down, palming gently over his thigh, then in, gathering up traitorously limp flesh and giving it a playful squeeze. “It's been a big couple of weeks. You're probably just tired.”

“Yeah.” Nicky bit his lip. Mark was softening, but he still looked beautiful. Nicky wanted to fuck him badly. He just... “You're lovely. It's not you.”

“I know.” But a flicker in Mark's eyes said that maybe he thought it was, which was the worst thing. Nicky palmed up a flushed cheek, felt it press into his touch. “Chill out. You're not in the mood. It's cool.”

“I _am_ though.” Nicky groaned, leaning his head into Mark's shoulder. Arms gathered him up, squeezing. A hand drifted down his back, kisses starting to slowly pepper his hair. “Ugh.”

“Ugh.” Mark agreed. “Don't worry.”

“Mm.” He turned his head to nuzzle into a soft neck, felt a laugh thrum against his mouth. He reached down, running his own fingers up Mark's thigh and collecting the erection still rested there. He began to stroke, heard a soft moan, but a second later his wrist was taken gently and moved out of the way. “What's wrong?” He asked, looking up.

“Don't worry about it.” Mark shrugged. “I'm not...” He climbed off, laying down next to Nicky. Nicky watched, bemused, then smiled when arms were opened for him to climb into. He rested his head in Mark's chest, closing his eyes when he felt a hand stroke his back.

“I want to.”

“It's fine.” They both snuggled in a little closer, Nicky snagging the blanket with his feet, then tugging them up to cover both of them. When he looked up Mark's eyes were closed. He pressed a kiss to the underside of a stubbly chin, felt it shift when Mark swallowed. Fingers stroked down his arm.

“I love you.” Nicky reminded him. “It really isn't you.”

“It's fine, Nico.” He heard a put-open laugh, and smiled, closing his eyes again. It was nice here, warm and safe. A tiny moment of sanctuary in between the spin of planes and buses and all the other crap. The last few weeks had been hell – they always were in the lead-up to an album launch – but this was their eighth time around and this had never happened before. Maybe he was just getting old or something. Which was a sobering fucking thought. Not that the others hadn't enjoyed ribbing him when he'd turned thirty.

But he wanted this. Had all day, since they'd starting flirting over breakfast. He'd been with Mark so long that they didn't really do that any more. The sex was good, yeah, but the heady, breathless days of playing footsie under the table and giving each other furtive looks and sneaking off while nobody was looking were well in the past. They were settled. It was a nice feeling, being able to slide into bed with Mark every night, snuggle up to him and know he wasn't going anywhere.

But today had been fun. Cheeky winks, Nicky groaning when Mark had slowly sucked on his fingers and looked at him from under dark lashes, Nicky sitting on the other side of the room and trying not to come in his pants. He'd been fine, then. Everything in proper working order. But now...

And it wasn't the first time, either. He just didn't...

Ugh.

 

*

 

“Go.” Mark murmured. Nicky was already running, up the stairs and to the third floor, hearing feet thud up the stairs behind him. They'd been eyeing each other all day, teasing in the car and dropping flirty winks. Mark had caught him in the toilets at the TV station, pinning him to the wall and kissing him breathlessly, both of them grinding and necking before they'd had to pull away and get back to it.

And god, Nicky wanted him.

The door opened on the first swipe of the card, flinging open while Nicky shot through it, hearing it close behind him, then giggling when he was grabbed around the waist and tossed to the bed, Mark landing on top of him while he tried to clamber up toward the pillows. He was flipped over, laughed when teeth dove for his throat, sinking in gently while his boyfriend growled.

“Fuck...” Nicky gasped, hips lifting to help his jeans get yanked down, fingers grabbing at his hips and pulling them into alignment. He reached down to push Mark's own trousers away, moaning when he felt hard flesh against him. “Oh.”

“God, yes.” Mark gasped. “Need you.”

“Please...” They wriggled out of their bottoms, shirts still on. Nicky didn't care. Just wanted to wrap his legs around a solid waist, feel arousal pressing against him. “So fucking sexy...”

“Need you to fuck me.”

“God yeah...” Nicky managed, swallowing around the bright stab of lust. It had been way too long. Two weeks of disappointment and trying. And as frustrated as he knew he was, Mark was the one who was up for it and wasn't getting anywhere. Nicky wanted to bring him off, wanted to return a favour he couldn't accept, but Mark wasn't having any of it. As though there was some bizarre solidarity in this stupid, irritating thing. “Ride me.” He suggested, heard a wanting whine. “Get the lube and fucking ride me.”

“Yes...” Mark was off a second later, rummaging in his bag. He climbed back on, Nicky groaning when he bent to take him in, sucking him into his mouth. Hot and wet, going deep. He thrust up, head tipping back on a low cry when he felt a satisfied moan vibrate against him. He was let go a second later, feeling his chest heave when Mark reached back, beginning to spread himself on thick fingers.

“Oh fuck...” Nicky hissed, glancing up between a flushed, concentrating face, and down to watch a third finger push in, Mark's hips rocking against them. “Jesus, Marky...”

“Unh...” Full lips were bitten, Mark's hips jolting suddenly. “Ah...” He looked beautiful, his eyes falling closed. Nicky sat up, yanked him into a kiss, hand going down to help, feeling a digit slide in through slick gel, Mark's finger replacing it when he pulled out. Then they were both in together, Mark keening into his mouth while they worked him open.

“You feel so fucking good.” Nicky growled, heard a sobbing moan. “Gonna be so tight.”

“Please.” Mark gasped. “Oh please, I... I need it. I have to...”

“Now.” Nicky urged, pulling out, grabbing a cheek in each hand and spreading. He heard Mark gasp out a breath, then they were lining up, sinking down. And oh... oh god he'd fucking missed this. Tight and hot and slippery and Jesus Christ Mark was making the best fucking noises, like a starving man in front of a hot meal. “God, baby...” He yanked down hips, heard a shattered moan.

“Yes... oh my god... yes...” Mark blurting, rolling into it, grinding down onto him. “That's... oh fuck...” He was babbling, sounded bloody desperate. “Nicky I... I'm... fuck... unh...” There was a sharp, shuddering gasp, and Nicky groaned, picking up the rhythm.

“Perfect.” He murmured, heard Mark whimper. He reached between them, gathering up the erection pressing to his belly. Mark's legs were crossed around his back, his own knees flopped out and cradling him in, the younger boy clinging to him. “So fucking perfect.” He gasped, felt Mark twist a little on him and drop down again.

“I'm... oh god.” Mark sobbed, hips jolting into his hand. “Needed it. Needed you. I'm...” His eyes squeezed shut, blew open again a second later, locking with Nicky's. Nicky kissed him hard, felt fingers tangle desperately into his hair, a loud groan.

Then he popped free.

He heard Mark snort a laugh. It happened sometimes. They got a bit enthusiastic, things slid out. Both of them fumbled, reaching down to try to get it back in, clumsy and giggling.

Oh.

They both paused. Mark froze. But Nicky didn't miss the beginning of a disappointed sigh, cut off as quickly as it started. He let out his own, thudding his head into Mark's shoulder, his own hand caught around a cock that wasn't hard enough to go into anything. Mark's chest was still heaving. A hand carefully cupped the back of his neck, the other one letting go of Nicky's limp cock.

“Argh!” Nicky shouted, muffling it in Mark's shoulder. He felt Mark's chest sink in a silent sigh, felt tears spring to his own eyes.

“It's okay.”

“It's not bloody okay!” He growled, felt Mark flinch. “This is fucking ridiculous!”

“Here...” Mark slid back a little, began to stroke him, and Nicky watched as the shaft slid pointlessly through his grip. He gave up after a second, hand fluttering awkwardly for a moment before settling on Nicky's hip.

“I'll...” He reached back around, slid his fingers into Mark's stretched hole and began to move, starting up the same rhythm again, curling his fingers up to find the spot that always drove him mad. He felt a flinch, but then Mark shook his head. Nicky looked down. Mark was softening too.

“Don't worry.”

“Mark...”

“Just... don't worry.” Mark climbed off, Nicky's fingers dislodged when he pulled away. “I'm gonna go have a shower.”

The door closed behind him.

Nicky groaned, flopping back onto the bed and staring up at the ceiling for answers.

 

*

 

Mark looked utterly beautiful, his head pillowed in Nicky's lap and eyes closed, hair soft where Nicky was stroking his fingers through it. He smoothed it back from a careless forehead, then let his touch drift down the curve of a jaw, thumbing over soft lips that pursed to his skin.

“Sleepy.”

“I know.” He murmured, saw a fond smile quirk Mark's mouth. “You're gorgeous.”

“How long?”

Nicky glanced at his watch. “Another hour or so.” He looked up to watch trees flash past the window of the bus. They'd been moving for a while, up through London to Leeds for an afternoon signing at HMV. Nicky's hand was already cramped from the morning signing. It had been non stop, barely a minute free to do anything but boyband. And that was actually happening. He was doing so much of it that Boyband was becoming a verb.

“Nicky?”

“Mm?”

“Do you love me?”

“What kind of question is that?” He snorted, looking back down at closed eyes. “I don't do anything else.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Mark paused, lips pursing. Nicky touched them with an index finger, so soft and plump. “If you didn't any more... you'd tell me, right?”

“Why would I not?” Nicky bit his lip, confused. “I need you. You're my life.”

“Or... wanted me. I could... I dunno. Go to the gym more or...”

“No. God no.” He pulled his hand back in surprise, saw blue eyes flutter open. They exchanged self-conscious frowns, Mark's eyebrows knitting in. Nicky put his hand back on a wrinkled forehead, smoothing hair away again. “You're perfect. Don't change a bit.” He sighed, the twisting frustration and embarrassment coming back again. “I'm sorry I've been off lately.”

“Is there something the matter? You can tell me. I won't be upset.”

“Everything's fine. I don't know...” He groaned softly, felt a nervous gaze fix on him. “I wish I knew.” He admitted. They hadn't had sex in weeks. They'd start to make out, everything would be going well, and then... nothing. Not a damn thing. Like trying to play billiards with a rope. And every time Mark would look so disappointed, tell Nicky it was totally fine, and go to shower or turn on the TV or something.

“Maybe we just hold off for a bit.” Mark suggested. “Maybe we're trying to force it.”

“I'm not trying to force it. I'm trying to have sex with a gorgeous, sexy, fuckable boy who is the love of my damn life.” Nicky groaned, though he did see a pleased smile flit over Mark's lips. He bent to kiss them, awkward in this position, but necessary. “If it's anything, it isn't you. Honestly.” he promised. “I want to fuck you into next week.”

“What's next week?”

“More signings, probably.”

“Brilliant.” Mark sighed. “Remember sleeping in our own bed?”

“Vaguely.” He smiled as Mark sat up, scooting back to lean against his stretched-out legs. “Hello.”

“Hello.” An arm wrapped around his neck, pulling them closer together. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Nicky murmured, just before their lips connected. Mark really was a class kisser. Always had been. It had been what had gotten him first, back when they'd been young and it had all been so exciting. They'd been chilling in a hotel room, having more than a few drinks after an electric gig, and suddenly it had been four in the morning. Everyone else had been asleep or passed out, and they'd just started mucking about, shoving and wrestling and Mark's mouth had been right there and...

Stumbling at first, both of them realising what they were doing, freezing but not stopping and pulling back like sensible sober people, just kissing haltingly until it was full snog, breathing hard into each other's mouths, hands everywhere, and it didn't matter that Kian was facedown on the floor in front of the telly, or that Bryan was snoring on the other bed. Because Mark's tongue was tracing his lips and he was so hard he thought he might die.

“Want you.” He mumbled, heard a soft sigh of lust. It was like a switch, now. The first hint of something sexual and Mark was ready to go. Nicky felt terrible. His own predicament was bad enough, but getting Mark so far in, so horny and close... He kept offering to finish him anyway but Mark kept refusing, and Nicky didn't know what the hell else to do.

“Have me.” Mark breathed back. Nicky shivered, caught Mark's mouth again. The others were somewhere around here, but he hadn't seen them in a bit and Kian had found a deck of cards earlier. He didn't much care. As long as they weren't interrupting. “Wanna suck you.”

“Oh... fuck.” Nicky hissed, looking down. Fingers fumbled at his zip, and he groaned when he was pulled free, fingers tightening around him and starting a slow stroke. He arched into it, gasping. Mark let out a pleased moan, his lips beginning to attack Nicky's throat.

“God, that's it.” The fingers tightened a little, then Mark was sliding down, dropping to his knees on the floor. Nicky thought he ought to shut the door or something but he was not interrupting this. A tongue trailed up him, wet fire, and he groaned out loud, cradling a dark head in both hands and whimpering when Mark's mouth sank down.

“Marky...” He choked. Too good. He adjusted his hips a little, pushing up when Mark came down, felt satisfied noises hum against him. “Baby...” Blue eyes looked up at him, hungry and intense. Fingers drifted underneath to roll at his balls then slide behind, caressing slowly at the smooth stretch of skin, applying pressure. His hips began to find a rhythm and he groaned, watching lips get wetter and redder. “Oh, fuck, baby...”

Mark's mouth pulled up but didn't let him go, mouthing wetly down the side, cradling him in one talented hand. It was beautifully obscene, Mark's cheeks getting shiny with spit where he was rubbing Nicky all over his lips, eyes half-closed with pleasure. Like he was being worshipped or something.

“So fucking sexy.” Mark murmured in between broad, sweeping licks. “Tastes so good.”

“Yeah?” Nicky managed. He thought he'd been trying to do something there, maybe start a filthy dialogue, but now he couldn't think to get more words out.

“Want you to come all over my face.”

“Oh...” Nicky gasped. “Can't. Signing.”

“Good.” Mark growled. “I'll wash it off, but I'll leave some. Where people can't see. Smell you all day while I work.”

“Fuck...” Nicky muttered, hips moving harder. Mark's mouth was closed around him again. He thrust into it, feeling sucking pressure embrace him. “God, you're filthy.” Felt a laugh run up him, searing into his skin. “That's it...” His head tipped back, the pleasure too much. Finally. Fuck. Needed this. Needed Mark to have it. Needed...

“Mn...” He heard, then a whimper, and a second later he was sliding out, the pressure abating slightly. He looked down, saw Mark's eyebrows knitting in, saw him drop down again, taking him back in, hand gathering up the shaft and starting a stroke. It felt good. Fuck it felt good. But that didn't stop the look of desperate disappointment in Mark's eyes, the eventual pop of release when he gave up, hand slowing and mouth letting go.

God fucking dammit.

“C'mere.” Nicky urged, tugging him up, trying to do this fast enough to distract. Started to kiss him. But he could feel it. The hesitant hurt, the mechanical obligation in the kiss, like Mark was trying too hard to keep him going and not enjoying it any more. “Let me suck you.” He suggested. “I want to suck you.”

“We'll be there soon.” Mark pulled back. Nicky held him in, trailing kisses down his neck. Felt his breath hitch. Then he pulled away. Nicky looked up, watched him stand. “I should go get changed.”

“Sit back down.”

“I should...” Mark looked at him, biting his lip, then he sat, slumping in the seat next to Nicky.

“Come here.” He reached out an arm, felt Mark hesitantly slide into it a second later. He pulled the younger boy in close, felt a heavy head land on his shoulder. “I'm really sorry.” He said honestly. He was. Fuck. It was surprising almost. He'd never thought of himself as that guy, the one whose identity was all tied up in his penis, like some ridiculous alpha male. But now, here he was, inexplicably wanting to burst into tears because he couldn't keep it up. Up was what it was supposed to do.

“Nix...” The head on his shoulder shook from side to side, just slightly. “It's fine. Don't worry about it.”

“You don't have to tell me it's fine if it isn't.” Nicky replied. “Let me bring you off. Maybe...”

“What's the point?” Mark sighed. “It's not fun if you're not into it.”

“I am into it.” That was met with dead silence. When he looked down, Mark's eyes were closed. “I am, love. I want you.” Mark shrugged. He was still hard, but Nicky didn't know there was much point trying to do anything. His boyfriend's body language was beyond defensive, looked like he was curling into himself. “Come on. We have a night off on Friday. Why don't we do something nice?”

“It's fine.”

“It isn't. I'm taking you out.” Nicky assured him. “Dinner and drinks. Wherever you want to go.” He let his fingers stroke through dark hair. “You're utterly beautiful. Let me romance you a bit.” He thought he saw the quirk of a smile. “We'll be back in London. You wanna go to that place in the city? The one with all the chocolate desserts?”

“...maybe.” He heard a tentative murmur. “I'll see how I feel.”

“You feel gorgeous.” Nicky assured him. “Anything you like. We can have a few cocktails and go dancing after?”

“Might be nice.” Mark admitted. “You taking me on a date?”

“Yeah.” Nicky nodded. “It's been a while.”

“It has, yeah.” Mark pursed his lips, looking thoughtful. “We've been together five years next month.”

“Really?” Nicky blinked, surprised. He knew it was coming up but hadn't really thought too much about it. He wasn't even sure what today's date was. “That's mad. It was right after Christmas, wasn't it?”

“Yeah.” He heard a soft laugh and smiled, glad to feel Mark relax a little against him. “Remember on our first anniversary we ended up stuck in traffic all night?” Nicky laughed. It had been tragic. They'd meant to go out and do something and then it had bucketed down raining, there'd been a big accident on the motorway, and by the time they'd finally made it home it was past eleven and too much effort to get dressed up.

“I remember listening to the radio.” Nicky added. “We were there for... three hours? Four?”

“Had to be.” Mark agreed. “I just remember both of us belting Backstreet Boys at the top of our lungs.”

“That's right.” Nicky snorted. “Weird night.”

“Yeah.” He felt Mark move, then smiled when the younger boy lay down, resting his head back in Nicky's lap. “Love you.” He was facing Nicky, his forehead leant into Nicky's belly, knees all curled up on the seat. Nicky ran a hand down his back while he settled.

“I remember going on holidays for our second anniversary. We spent two whole days naked.”

“Yeah.” Mark sighed. “I was so raw, and I didn't care because I just wanted you to fuck me again...” He paused. Nicky swallowed around the lump in his throat.

“Do you want to fuck me instead?” Nicky asked. It wasn't really their dynamic, never had been. He didn't mind it as such, but he preferred to go the other way. Mark did too. He was a delicious bottom. Desperate and hungry, shoving back and making the best, most broken sounds. “Then it won't matter if I'm hard or not.”

“It matters to me.” Mark said quietly. “I don't want to feel like I'm using you.”

“You're not. It still feels good. I just don't...” Nicky sighed. “I don't fucking know, babe. Maybe I should go to the doctor or something.” He didn't really want to, though. Doctor-patient confidentiality was one thing, but he didn't really need to walk in and go 'hi, I'm famous and my penis won't work'. He didn't need a nurse going to the papers.

“Do you want to?”

“No.” He admitted. “But we've gotta do something. This is getting stupid.”

“It's only been a month.”

“It's been six weeks.”

“That's not that long. It's fine. Really.” It wasn't, though, and they both knew it. “Let's just... not, for a while. Maybe your bits are bored or something.”

“They'd never be bored of you.” Nicky assured him. “I never would either.” He looked down, watched his fingers trace a flushed cheek. “Come up here and give us a snog, yeah?” He heard a soft laugh as Mark sat up. Fingers drifted through his hair, pulling them carefully together. “Hello.”

“Hello.” His mouth was caught in a tender kiss. Their arms wrapped around each other, pulling them into a tangle. Nicky smiled. This was good. Perfect. Just kissing gently and not having to go anywhere, feeling Mark soft and intimate against him.

The bus stopped just as Mark's breath was starting to speed up, and they both broke away with an interrupted groan, giggling shyly at each other. A hand caressed his cheek.

“Love you, Nix.”

Nicky smiled, leaning their foreheads together.

“Love you too, babe.”

 

*

 

The next few days skidded by. Nicky's hand was badly cramped and he was tired of looking at the picture of himself on the album cover, that stupid red rose. He started looking at Mark instead, just to change things up. It was never hard to look at Mark.

He did accidentally sign his own name over Mark's picture a couple of times instead of over himself, just because he was too busy looking and got distracted, but Mark was further down the queue next to Shane and he looked up, laughed, held up the CD cover with a raised eyebrow, and dutifully signed his own name over Nicky's picture. The fans didn't seem to mind. One of them looked delighted at her rather unique mistake, looking between them and giggling when Mark dropped a wink, apologising to her for his boyfriend being an idiot.

They were back in London, hanging around in the green room before a morning show performance. Kian and Mark had wandered off not long ago. Nicky wasn't sure where. He was slumped next to Shane on the couch, idly watching the TV in the corner. They weren't due on for another half hour. Someone onscreen was showing off a new vacuum cleaner.

“You alright?”

“Yeah.” Nicky looked over, confused. Shane was watching him with a look of concern. “Why?”

“Dunno. Just thought you seemed a bit off. You and Mark.”

“We're okay.” He shrugged. “Plodding along.”

“Okay, cool.” Shane pursed his lips.

“Yeah.” He didn't know what to do with himself. They were supposed to be going out on their date the next night. He was half thinking about seeing if he could get some Viagra to take. Not even for his own benefit. For Mark. He felt bloody dreadful, like he was letting him down. “Shay...”

“Mm?”

“Can I ask you something? Like... between us? Don't tell Mark or Kian or anyone?” Shane tilted his head, looking intrigued.

“Sure.”

“Like, don't tell anyone. Nobody.”

“Okay.”

“You promise?”

“I promise!” Shane laughed, rolling his eyes. “Jesus, Nico, what did you do? Where are the bodies buried?”

“Ha.” Nicky said flatly. He sighed, leaning back on the couch. “Have you ever had any trouble...” He was regretting this already. Fuck. He didn't want to talk about this with Shane. Didn't want to go admitting that he was apparently broken downstairs. It was too pathetic. “Like, with Gill, have you ever had problems... like... getting it up?” The rest came out a rushed whisper. He saw Shane freeze, then bite his lip, looking like he wanted to laugh.

“Erm... once or twice, maybe.” Shane admitted, his face carefully straight. “You know, had too many beers or something, or just been tired. Ehm...” He looked at Nicky. “Is... there a reason you ask?”

“No. No reason.” Nicky said quickly. But Shane was rolling his eyes. “Fuck, Shay, I don't know what to do. I don't know what's wrong and he's getting upset...”

“Thanks for the information mate. Cheers.” Shane pulled a face. Nicky forced a laugh. “What, once or twice? You're probably just tired.”

“Not once or twice.” Nicky admitted. “More like... not once. In about...” He sighed. “Six weeks.”

“Oh, brutal.” Shane winced. “Ouch.”

“Thanks.”

“Sorry.” Shane smiled. “Um... I don't know what to tell ya, buddy.” A hand fell awkwardly to his shoulder, squeezing. “Just... nothing?”

“No. Well, it starts off alright, and then it just... goes. I don't know.” He groaned, burying his face in his hands. “Why the fuck am I talking to you?”

“I don't know. I wish you weren't.” Shane joked, nudging him. “What's Mark say?”

“Nothing. Like, he says it's okay, but I know it isn't and he's talking it personally. It's not him. I'd ruin him back to front and upside down if I could, but...” Shane stuck his tongue out. “Oh, fuck off.”

“I'm sorry.” The hand on his shoulder squeezed. “Stress, maybe?”

“Maybe.” He rested his chin in his hand, trying to think. “It's not even about the sex. I just want him. Want him to be happy. I don't want...” He bit his lip. “Why would he stay, if I can't do that?”

“Why wouldn't he? He loves you.” Shane pointed out. Nicky shrugged. “Surely there's other things he's with you for, not just the...” He trailed off, but Nicky knew he'd just gotten a few really specific mental images and didn't want to say them out loud. “Have you tried... um... going the other way round?” He said finally.

“I mentioned it. It's not the same.” He was getting the feeling Mark was avoiding it now, which was the worst part. Not starting anything at all in case it had to stop. Nicky was trying to work around it, bring him off first so if he let himself down it wouldn't matter, but Mark seemed to be determined to make sure it was happening. It all felt doomed before it began.

The door opened, the other two coming back in. Kian sank down into an armchair, Mark giving Nicky a smile that made a little glow flare in his chest. He smiled back, reaching out a hand.

“Come here.” He said quietly, laughed when Mark sank heavily into his lap. “Hey.” He gave Mark a quick hug, kissed his cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you.” Mark murmured.

“Oh for god's sake, get a room.” Kian joked. Mark scowled playfully, kicking a foot in his direction, but before he turned back to Nicky a slight flush spilled into his cheeks. Nicky squeezed his waist, looking up. He could feel Shane trying not to look at them in case he let on that he knew.

“Love you.” He said again.

 

*

 

Mark looked gorgeous. He always looked that way, but especially tonight, sitting across the table in the candlelight, looking very sweet and sexy in his suit. He didn't look boyband done-up, all makeup and gel, he just looked like Mark. It was lovely.

It had been a great night in general. The food had been amazing, but that wasn't the point. Just getting to do something a bit fancy and fun, sitting together and talking for almost two hours. Not even about anything, just giggling and being together properly instead of on a schedule. Now, halfway into dessert, Nicky couldn't remember when he'd been so madly in love.

“I adore you.” He said quietly, saw Mark look up from his blueberry cheesecake. A bashful, pleased smile tripped over full lips. He returned it, reaching out his foot to stroke a strong calf.

“You want more wine?”

“I'm okay.” Nicky reached out, his fingers entwining with Mark's on the table. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Mark smirked. “You alright?”

“Just stupidly in love with you.” Nicky got up, sinking down into the chair next to him and leaning in for a kiss. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Mark pulled back, glancing furtively around. “Watch it.”

“I'm not going to go down on you.” Nicky snorted. “Just wanted a kiss.”

“Oh, well that's all right then.” Mark rolled his eyes, leaning in again. It wasn't that either of them were big public displays of affection people anyway, it was more the unnecessary crap that went along with it. Yes, people knew they were a couple, but neither of them particularly wanted a photo of them acting like horny eejits splashed across the Sunday Times. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Nicky murmured back. Mark sniffed, then pulled away to cover his mouth against a cough. “You alright?”

“Yeah, been a bit sniffly for a couple of days.” Mark wiped his nose on a tissue he produced from his sleeve like some sort of ninja granny. It disappeared a second later. “Probably be fine. Hayfever, maybe.”

“You never get hayfever. You're from the country.”

“If we don't mention I could be sick, it won't happen.” Mark put a finger to his lips like he was guarding a secret. “Hayfever. Or it'll hear you.”

“Your cold will hear you?”

“Shhh!” Mark hissed. “Don't say it's name.”

“What, like Bloody Mary?” Nicky laughed. Mark giggled, wiping his nose again. “Cold. Cold. Cold.” He recited, looking around. “Where is it? That's how it works, right?”

“I think you have to be looking into a mirror.” The hand threaded back into Nicky's. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Nicky looked down at their empty plates. “Want to get out of here?”

Mark did. Nicky excused himself to the bathroom first, wandering nonchalantly over. By the time he was pushing the door open his hand was already fishing in his pocket.

Okay.

He pulled it out. Stared at it. It was a small blue pill, sort of diamond shaped. He'd gotten it over the counter that afternoon, or rather some guy in a baseball cap, sunglasses and hoodie had, standing there nervously and trying to do a more regional accent and hoping desperately that nobody would recognise him.

Okay.

He'd done the math. Thirty to sixty minutes to kick in, which would just about take them the cab ride home, maybe a post-dinner cuppa on the couch, and a bit of a snog. Then, assuming everything went as planned, all systems go. And Mark would never, ever have to know. Would probably be so well-fucked he wouldn't care.

Okay.

He scooped some water from the tap and swallowed it down before he could change his mind. Maybe this was all he needed. One successful one and then everything would kick back into gear. One decent fucking shag. And then Mark would stop looking upset and he could stop feeling guilty all the time and everything would be good again. Like it had been tonight. No awkward, shifting weirdness, no self-consciousness. Just him and Mark, fucking each other's brains out.

He dried his hands, went to the toilet, then headed back out. A few minutes later they were downstairs, sliding into a cab.

“ _...'tchoo!_ ”

“Aww... bless you. He reached over, sliding his fingers into Mark's. “How's the hayfever?”

“Shut up.” Mark mumbled. His eyes did look a little red, actually. It was very cute. “I'm fine.”

By the time they got home it had been almost half an hour since Nicky had taken the Viagra. He wasn't really feeling anything, except his heart was maybe going a little bit faster. Though from the label he'd gathered that it wasn't so much an aphrodisiac as it was a bloodflow thing, that once it was up it was going to damn well stay up. And probably do it again pretty quickly once it was down.

Mark got the kettle on while he wandered into the living room. He tugged off his jacket, unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt, and was just getting comfortable when Mark wandered in, sinking down beside him and leaning into his shoulder.

“Hi.” Nicky murmured, pulling him in tighter with an arm around his back. Mark snuggled in, nuzzling into his neck. “How are you?”

“Sleepy.” Mark replied. “Bit drunk.”

“Awake enough for a snog?”

“Always.” A teasing gaze looked up. He'd seemed to be holding off a little bit lately, not wanting to start something, probably, but tonight had been lovely and he felt loose and relaxed in Nicky's arms.

“Gorgeous.” Nicky murmured, capturing his lips. Heard a pleased sigh. “Want you.”

“I just put the kettle on.” Mark hedged. Nicky shook his head, kissing him again.

“Want you.” He said again, his hand travelling up a thick thigh. He heard Mark's breath hitch, felt him shift closer. “Please.” He breathed, kissing up a strong jaw. “Take you to bed.”

“Oh god...” Mark whispered, swallowing. He felt strung out already. There was a slight, anticipatory shiver running through him, a low, lustful thrum. Nicky's lips found the pulse behind his ear, tongue teasing it slowly while a soft groan vibrated against his mouth. A hand slid up his thigh, and Nicky pushed up when he felt a hand close around him, almost as if it was testing to see if this was real, which damn near broke his heart. It wasn't a problem, though, he was already hardening, listening to Mark make soft, pleased moans.

“Need you.” Nicky growled. His heart was racing a little, he supposed, but that was what Mark usually did to him. Arms wrapped around him and he yelped as he was yanked off the couch, giggling when Mark just about dragged him to the stairs, their mouths joined the whole way.

They landed on the bed with a thumping squeak, both of them laughing. Mark's shirt was off a second later, Nicky's not too far behind. Snogging the whole way while their pants dropped and Mark's hands wandered all over him, touching everything, almost claiming him. Then naked, both of them grinding together and Nicky enjoying the feeling of Mark hard against him, the kisses speeding up and getting wetter and hotter.

“Gonna fuck you.” Nicky growled, heard Mark groan. “You ready for me, baby?”

“Oh god, yeah.” Mark muttered, claiming Nicky's mouth again. “Fuck me. Please. I...” He whimpered desperately. Nicky returned it. Too long. Way too long. And shit, his erection was not a fucking problem. Fucking hell. He rubbed it up against Mark's hip, heard a low moan in response. “Need you. Need it.”

“Fuck you all night.” Nicky promised. Mark whimpered.

“I... I have to go...”

“Yeah.” Nicky agreed, nudging him off. “Go. Quickly.” Mark climbed off reluctantly, looking down with bright lust in his eyes. He looked beautiful, flushed and sexy. Dashed for the bathroom. Nicky smirked. With what he was about to do to Mark, freshening up was definitely a good idea.

He looked down. That was quite impressive, actually. He stroked it a few times to check. Yep. All systems go, as intended. It didn't feel better than usual or anything, it just felt... hard. Not hornier, just...

It was a few minutes before he realised Mark hadn't come back. He went to investigate. Not the most romantic thing to walk in on, admittedly, but he was getting bored and there was only so long he felt like sitting around waiting. He pushed open the bathroom door.

“Babe?”

Mark looked up from where he was leant over the toilet, looking small and pale.

“Don't feel well.” He muttered. Nicky felt his heart sink. It was the only thing that did.

Shit.

“Oh, sweetheart...” He managed, sinking down next to him. It was bloody awkward with a huge erection, but the apologetic, sweaty face bent over the loo was more than worth it. He stroked back dark hair. Mark groaned, sounding frustrated. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I'm...” He sneezed suddenly. “Ugh.” He closed his eyes. “I blame you. This is because of Bloody Mary.”

“All my fault.” Nicky agreed. Mark snorted. “Want anything? Some ice, or...?”

“No. Think that was it.” He spat. Nicky helped him stagger back to his feet, grabbing a robe from the back of the door to wrap around him. He put on his own to cover up. Mark wasn't hard any more. So that made one of them. “Might...” He coughed, thick and wet. “Might just go to bed. Shit, I'm so sorry...”

“No. Course not.” Nicky assured him. “Knowing me lately nothing would have happened anyway.” Mark didn't reply, but Nicky knew he'd been thinking that too. Which was fucking irritating.

He got Mark back to bed, settled him down under the blankets. He looked pale and tired, was sniffing every few seconds. Nicky lay down beside him, trying to ignore the fact that he was as hard as a rock and felt like he was getting the beginnings of a headache. His robe was covering it and Mark didn't seem to notice that he was still hard, though his eyes were half-closed and he barely seemed to be noticing much anyway.

“C'n I have a cuddle?” Mark mumbled. Nicky chuckled, feeling fondness rush up his system.

“You can.” Nicky promised. “Just going to the bathroom first, okay?”

“Mm.” Mark closed his eyes, snuggling down into his arm while Nicky pulled the blankets up higher. He kissed a sweaty forehead, then headed for the bathoom.

Shit.

The lights were too bright. He wrapped a hand around, glared it it. It didn't even feel particularly good, not like when Mark was touching him. More like it was a damn inconvenience, which it really really was. Like an extra, pointless appendage. Sighing, he began to sort himself out.

He came. He wanted to cry doing it. It didn't take a particularly long time, but his heart was going too fast and he definitely had a headache now, so it wasn't exactly the sexiest wank of his life. But that was the worst part. The first time he'd gotten to finish in almost two months and it was by himself in the bathroom while Mark was nodding off, sick and alone, in their bed. It was fucking depressing.

He wiped off, washed his hands in the sink, then went back to bed. Mark was still awake. Nicky slid in beside him, pulling him in.

“You want anything?”

“No.” Mark mumbled. Nicky kissed his forehead. “Sorry.”

“Absolutely fine.” Nicky replied. It wasn't, but that wasn't Mark's fault. A clammy face nuzzled into his neck while he began to stroke Mark's back, knowing it tended to soothe him when he wasn't feeling a hundred percent. Five years and he knew so many things about Mark, little ways to calm him down or make him happy. How to _really_ piss him off and how to avoid doing that because he didn't want to hurt Mark or see him unhappy, not for a moment. Because Mark was gorgeous and sweet and kind and knew how to make him happy too.

So what the fuck was wrong with him?

“S'nice.”

“Good.” Nicky whispered, tugging him a little closer. “You want to go to sleep?”

“Dunno. Just keep doing that.” Mark was dozing, though. Nicky could tell. Then he felt Mark jerk back a little, saw eyes half-open in surprise. “You still hard?”

Not so much still as again, but yeah, he was. Nicky shook his head, kissed two beautiful blue eyes shut, and carefully twisted his hips to remove the evidence.

“It's fine, love. Go to sleep."

Mark nodded off a few minutes later.

Nicky carefully slid out of bed, slouched back to the bathroom, and jerked off again.

 

*

 

“Thanks.” Nicky took the mug, smiling when Mark slid in behind him on the couch. His boyfriend was still a little sniffly but had been getting better the last few days. It had been a good excuse to spend a few days at home, all snuggled up in front of the television and taking ridiculous amounts of naps.

The effects of the Viagra had worn off in a few hours. He'd gotten a little hard after jerking off the second time, had had a blazer of a headache the next morning, and that seemed to be it. He didn't know why people would choose to do it, not unless it was a desperate measures sort of situation, and he didn't think they were quite that bad yet.

That had been the nice thing about Mark being sick, he supposed. No expectations. Mark wasn't well enough, didn't feel in the mood anyway, and Nicky just got to enjoy him being there without having to worry if he was within half an hour of being disappointing. They couldn't even kiss, really, not with Mark's nose all blocked, so there was no risk of letting him down.

“How you feeling?”

“Okay.” Arms squeezed his waist. “Nicky?”

“Yeah?” He twisted, dropping a kiss on a reddened nose. Got a smile.

“Can I ask you a hypothetical question?”

“Maybe.” Nicky turned back to take a sip of his tea. “Depends what it is.”

“Oh.” Mark paused. Squeezed him again. A kiss pressed against the back of his head. “Do you think we'd still be together if we stopped having sex?” Nicky felt his heart lurch, turned to look at him in surprise.

“Excuse me?”

“No, I don't mean...” Mark's cheeks went a little pink. “No. Sorry. I was just thinking, like, if... Shit, I'm sorry.” He bit his lip. “Just, I was thinking about... that even if we didn't, I'd still want to be with you. Like, as a couple or whatever.”

“Wow, thank you.” Nicky said sarcastically. “I'm not broken.”

“I didn't say you were!” Mark protested. “It's not what I meant. I was just saying that if... if something happened, like if you were in an accident and couldn't or...” He stammered to a stop. “Sorry.” He muttered. “I didn't mean it like that."

“Oh. Thanks.” Nicky tried to relax a little, but he was on edge now, and pissed off. Was Mark trying to make him feel better about being fucking useless by telling him it'd be okay if they just gave up? What the hell was that supposed to be? He went to pull out of Mark's arms, tugging when they tried to close on his waist. “Let go.”

“No.” Mark shook his head. “I'm sorry. I really am.”

“What are you doing, trying to make peace with me not fucking you any more?”

“No, I...” The arms held a little tighter, kisses beginning to pepper his neck. “No. I'm sorry. I just wanted to know if you'd still want to be with me even if you didn't want to fuck me...” His voice went very small at the end. Nicky felt himself sag, leant forward to put the mug on the coffee table.

“I _want_ to fuck you.” He said through gritted teeth. Felt Mark tense. “It's not you. I promise.” He buried his face in his hands, trying not to cry. God fucking dammit. Two months and Mark was already trying to prepare himself for a future where this was permanent. “Marky...” He bit his lip. The hands on his waist let go, began to hesitantly stroke his back. “I'm trying. I am.”

 _You never had to try before._ It went unsaid. Both of them were silent for long seconds.

“Let me sort you out, maybe.” Nicky suggested quietly. “Maybe it'll help, or at least you won't be...” He heard Mark sigh.

“I can't.” He mumbled. “Tried. It...” A careful kiss touched the back of his neck. “If I don't see you enjoying it I don't...” He sighed. “Remember when we first started going out and I wasn't really ready?”

Nicky nodded. It had been so sweet. They'd kissed a lot, but Mark hadn't been quite comfortable enough with his sexuality to go further, so they'd held off a few months. It had been quite nice, actually, waiting. The tension had been massive by the time they'd finally done it. They'd done it three more times that night, until they were both fucked out and giggling themselves to sleep.

“I wasn't sure. Like, you were holding back a bit, trying not to push me. And it was so sweet, but I thought maybe I wasn't going to be good. Or maybe I'd be disappointing on the night, like...” He gestured. “Have trouble? Because I'd never really been that into doing it on my own. And then I saw you and you were so hard and I'd never seen it before and fuck, I could have kept it up for _years_.” He let out a self-conscious chuckle. “That's my kink, I think. You, getting off. Without it it's just... and then I can't...” He stammered to a hold. His cheeks were bright red. Nicky could feel one hot on the back of his neck.

He felt like crying all of a sudden and wasn't at all sure why. So his dysfunction was making Mark dysfunctional? He didn't know if that was the sweetest thing he'd ever heard or the most heartbreaking. And after five years how did he not know this? He'd known Mark had a thing for his cock – it was pretty bloody evident when he was growling and rubbing it all over his face – but this was...

“I'm sorry.” He breathed. Felt Mark shrug behind him.

“Not your fault.” Mark said quietly. “I'm just weird.”

“You're amazing.” Nicky felt a tear well in his eye. “Can I answer your question?”

“You don't have to.”

“I want to.” He murmured. Another kiss brushed his neck. “Yes. If we never had sex again, I would still want to be with you. Every damn day for the rest of my life.” He thought he heard Mark sniff but wasn't sure if it was the lingering cold or something else.

“Me too.” Mark said quietly.

 

*

 

Nicky didn't want to go anywhere. It was too soft here, too warm. Snuggled up to Mark's chest, fingers drifting slowly through his hair. He pressed a kiss to a flat nipple, smiling when his hair was given a playful tug.

“Let's stay here all day.”

“Good plan.” Nicky replied, kissing his chest again. Their legs were all tangled up, his hips settled between strong thighs. Mark had a little morning wood, but they were both ignoring it. It was like they'd silently decided not to bring it up. And for the past week or so they hadn't. Mark had been well enough but there hardly seemed much point. It felt like those first months again, slowly getting to know each other, feeling each other out. He'd found himself flirting again, which hadn't happened in a long time. Not innuendo, not leading to anything, just flirting for the hell of it.

They'd started kissing again. Not snogging. Not making out or using it as a precursor to something else, but just laying there kissing. They'd done it for almost an hour the day before, lips on lips, a cheeky tongue here and there, soft and like being at home when he'd been away for a long time. Then they'd just stopped eventually, both of them a little hard but not with any intention. Mark had gone to make dinner and Nicky had helped, washing vegetables and sorting out plates while Mark got things in the oven.

“Nicky?”

“Mm?” He snuggled in a little tighter.

“I can't feel my leg. Can you move up a bit?”

“Yeah.” He sighed, grudgingly shuffling up. Arms wrapped around him again, both of them giggling when Mark began to shake his leg out, the two of them rocking awkwardly on the bed. Nicky hung on, waiting for Mark to settle, then rested his head into the crook of Mark's neck.

“Nicky?”

“Mm?”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.” He yawned. Fingers kneaded the back of his neck, slow and careful. Mark shifted again. “Pins and needles?”

“So bad.” Mark confirmed, wiggling his leg. “I blame you.”

“Good luck with that.” Nicky retorted. “You wanna switch over? You can lay on top of me instead?”

“You taking the bullet? My hero.”

“I'd get pins and needles for you.” Nicky smirked. “Come on.”

“It's fine. I'm comfortable here.” Mark yawned. Nicky looked up to watch, smiling when Mark's mouth closed and he looked back down. “Hey there.”

“Hey.” Nicky caught his lips, slithered up a little.

“Your elbow's in my shoulder.”

“Sorry.” Nicky moved it. Okay, maybe this was less comfortable than he'd though. Mark's hipbone was sort of jabbing his stomach. But fuck it.

“My boxers are getting twisted.”

“We aren't good at this.” Nicky laughed, rolling off. Mark was wriggling out of his boxers a second later, tossing them off the side of the bed. He held out his arms, motioning for Nicky to get back on, and Nicky was about to, but...

“What?”

“Nothing, just...” He slid over, kneeling between Mark's knees. “Wanted to look at you.” He reached out to run his fingers down a long thigh, saw a sweet blush start to spill into Mark's cheeks.

“Why?”

“Because you're beautiful.” Nicky leaned forward to plant his hands either side of broad shoulders, looking down into a self-conscious face, reddening cheeks. He kissed his forehead, then sat up again, running his fingers down a soft chest, his hand flattening and stroking back up before curving down his side. Across his stomach, soft and a little chubby, then up again, watching goosebumps break out. “Mine.” He said softly, saw a bashful smile flit across Mark's mouth.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” His fingers found the crease of a strong thigh, settling into it and smoothing down hair, caressing loose balls with a playful roll that had Mark laughing, then down to run over his knee. He lay down again, head pillowed in Mark's thigh.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” He said softly. “Just love you.” Fingers began to stroke his hair again. Mark's cock was right there so he began to run his fingers over it. Not to tease, or to start anything, just because it was soft and nice. Part of him. He heard a happy hum. “Mind if I have a nap right here?”

“Not at all.” There was a smile in Mark's voice. “Nicky?”

“Mm.”

“Love you.”

 

*

 

When Nicky woke Mark's cock was right in his face. It wasn't doing anything, particularly, but he hadn't quite expected it to be there. It was lovely, half-hard and flopped across his thigh, the head right near Nicky's face. He stuck his tongue out to taste it, looking up when there was no reaction.

Mark was asleep, eyes closed and mouth parted, his chest moving slowly. It was early afternoon, judging from the light spilling across the room, half the day fettered away in snuggling up in bed. Not that Nicky was complaining. There were certainly worse places to be.

He crawled up, a little disoriented from his nap, and settled beside Mark, rolling him carefully in until the younger boy was cuddled up to his side, head in his neck and soft breaths puffing over his chest. He made a small noise, stirring slightly, then calmed. By the time his eyes opened a few minutes later Nicky was starting to nod off himself.

“Hey.” Mark said quietly.

“Hey.” Nicky looked down, accepted a slow kiss. Soft and exploring, their tongues winding carefully together, both dry and a bit sour from sleep. He let his hand stroke a long back, curving it around muscle and flesh. “Good sleep?”

“Not bad.” Mark nuzzled his chest. “But I like having you up this end more.”

“I thought you liked me near your bits?”

“I do.” Mark conceded. “This is nicer.”

“It is.” He felt a rush of affection, let his hand wander a little lower, squeezing a perfect round arse. Gave it a little slap as his hand wandered away. Mark laughed. “Cute arse.”

“Is it?”

“Spectacularly.” Nicky nosed his forehead. Mark looked up again, their lips falling slowly together.

It felt oddly right. It had always felt good, hot, but today it felt like it fitted in some way he hadn't noticed before, like they were slotting slowly together. A tongue flitted across his lower lip, his own poking playfully at smooth teeth. They both laughed, the echoes humming between them, Nicky's hand wandering down again.

He wasn't trying to touch anything, not really. Was just touching everything. Up Mark's thigh, and then suddenly it was in his hand, still half-hard. He felt Mark's chest hitch in surprise and smiled.

“Not doing anything.” Nicky murmured in explanation. “Just touching.”

“Yeah.” Mark's mouth caught his again, as his fingers wandered slowly up the underside, then back down, cupping his balls and squeezing gently. He felt as good as ever. Though Nicky realised he'd never really just explored like this. It had always been as a means to an end, or as a suggestion. He knew what Mark's cock felt like, but he knew it in a hard, fast, intentional way.

He ran his thumb over the head. Mark's mouth tilted open a little wider, sucking his tongue in. He wasn't getting any harder, not really, but he felt firm and good and real. Nicky let go, fingers trailing a little down his thigh then back up, nails scraping gently up his hip, past his ribs and back down his spine, following down until he felt them become enveloped in flesh, hair tickling his fingers, a little damp with sweat. Heard Mark let out a soft whine when he brushed past sensitive muscle.

“So gorgeous.” He muttered. Then Mark's hand was moving too, smoothing over his chest and down, touching everything. He closed his eyes to better feel, sinking deeper into the kiss as fingertips traced around his navel, almost tickling. His own hand was moving again. They'd rolled in at some point to face each other, and he let his fingers find Mark's nipple, spread his palm out over it.

“You feel...” Mark murmured. Nicky nodded. Yeah. He got it. The hand slid lower to gather him up, beginning a slow, testing stroke. Nicky purred. He wasn't all that hard but it didn't matter. Mark let go with a gentle squeeze, beginning to smooth up his hip.

They must have laid there touching for almost an hour, because it was getting a little dimmer as the sun went behind the house and Mark's fingers walked carefully up the crack of his arse, spreading slightly and nudging over him. Nicky moaned, arching into strong arms that cradled him beautifully, safe and perfect.

“Want to touch you.” Mark was a little breathless. Nicky was too. He was hard. Mark was too. He didn't care. Just knew that Mark's touch was electricity and his skin was intoxicating. “God, Nicky...” He gulped down a breath. “Let me touch you.”

Nicky leaned over, grabbed the bottle of lube from the drawer. Slapped it into Mark's hand. Fingers were coated, slid down, and he closed his eyes to feel them slowly start to twist in. Just one, then two. When he opened his eyes Mark's were closed, mouth hanging open a little, red and wet.

“God...” Mark swallowed hard. “Oh god, Nix. So tight.” He buried his face in Nicky's shoulder, panting slowly. “Baby...”

“Touch me.” Nicky urged. “Feels so good.” It did. Connection and closeness, sensitive nerve endings firing. He didn't bloody care what his cock was doing, just that he felt hot and wrecked in a way that had nothing to do with coming. The fingers slid deeper. He caught up the lube, coated his own. “Can I...”

“Yes...” Mark hissed. “Please...” He arched slightly when Nicky pressed over him again, then in. One. Two. Three. He heard a sharp gasp. “Nicky...”

“Just feel.” Nicky urged him. “Don't do anything else.”

“Yes...” Mark gasped again. “Oh...” His eyes screwed shut. “Oh god I...” Nicky curled his fingers, finding the right spot. “I...” He groaned when Nicky arched suddenly, Mark's fingers beginning to massage slowly, clumsily, right where it was best. “Does it feel good?”

“Feels amazing.” Nicky said honestly. “Jesus, you're...” He arched again, yelping. Fuck. God, the pressure was like torture, his flesh feeling like it was all drawing in to that one spot. “Making me feel so good.” He said quietly, felt Mark shiver. “Only you.” Mark whimpered. “Turn me on so much, I...” The fingers moved and he cried out again, rocking back against it while his own fingers jerked. “Don't need to fuck you. Don't want to. Just want you to keep...” He broke off, interrupted by Mark's soft cry. “You're so deep, baby. So hot on my fingers. God...” Mark pushed back, everything tightening. “I wish you could feel yourself.”

“I'm...” Eyes squeezed shut. Nicky kissed him until they opened. Saw blown, dark pupils, cheeks flushing pink. “Oh. Nix.” He gulped. “Oh god.”

“Keep touching me like that.” Nicky urged. “I want it. Feels so...” It did. Fuck. He almost couldn't take it. Too slow, too deep. “Don't stop.” He gasped. Mark groaned. “Don't...” He rubbed himself against Mark's thigh, wanting him to feel it. Didn't care if it lasted, not with Mark making those sounds.

There was a breathless sob, a tiny, shattered thing, and Mark was grinding back against him, their fingers going faster, keeping pace. Nicky caught his mouth, plunged deep just as he jabbed his fingers in harder. Heard a breathless croak, a warning.

“Feels so good.” Nicky growled, slamming back. Mark's fingers twisted, his cock moving faster against Nicky's thigh. “You.” He muttered. “Only one who gets to make me feel like this.”

“Ah...” Mark gasped. “Nicky...”

“Come on me.” Nicky urged. “Wanna feel it. Makes me feel so fucking good.” He squeezed down on Mark's fingers, heard a soft yelp, then he was wet. Slickness up his thigh while Mark's free hand fisted in his hair, the other jabbing deep. Still hard and grinding harder, that perfect, incomparable feeling of flesh and cum and slow, shuddering release, Mark tightening around him in fluttering helplessness.

He pulled out, tilted Mark up, and awkwardly slid himself in. Knew there was a good chance he wasn't going to complete it but didn't really care. Just wanted to feel it again. Because the orgasm wasn't the damn point, it was feeling the slow stretch, the startling pleasure of Mark's whole face crumpling in a breathless moan. Slamming hard into him and feeling the fingers still working him, slower and more fumbling as Mark's release sapped his strength and coordination.

“Perfect.” Nicky kissed him, felt stumbling lips. “Just need you.” God, but that pleasure was still the same. Tight and squeezing, fingers inside him, every bit of him focused on hands and muscle and pressure and Jesus, this was as good as coming. Hard, hot, and throbbing, Mark clutching and whining and fuck, fuck, fuck...

He came with a startled yelp, heard Mark's pleased whimper in response, his hips rocking forward to take Nicky in again and again, the release an almost painful punch while everything went, his entire being jolting out into Mark until he was blind and senseless, gasping on the bed and trying to find the breath to say 'I love you'.

“Fuck.” He said instead. Fingers pulled carefully out of him. He rolled onto his back, Mark landing on top a second later.

“Fuck.” Mark said.

“Fuck.” Nicky agreed.

A kiss brushed his neck.

“Love you.” Mark said quietly. Nicky smiled, threading his fingers through dark, sweaty hair.

 

*

 

“Happy anniversary.” Nicky reached out his can of Fanta, letting it clink against Mark's. The beach was deserted, the smell of fish and chips wafting up from the bench between them.

“Happy anniversary.” Mark replied, grabbing a chip out of the spread-out sheet of newspaper. He looked beautiful. Had done all that day, since they'd woken up together, sticky and connected.

Things seemed to be well enough back on track, and Nicky had found that he quite shared Mark's kink. Turning Mark on might just be the greatest aphrodisiac there was. Once they'd stopped making the finish line the point it had all been fairly easy. If he didn't come, he didn't come. If Mark didn't, that was fine too. They were together. There were so many wonderful moments that it felt silly to focus on one that didn't matter all that much.

“Congratulations us.”

“We did very well.” Nicky agreed. “Absolute achievement.”

“Quality.” Mark grabbed another chip. “This was a good idea.”

“I know. I thought of it.” Nicky tore off a piece of haddock and popped it in his mouth. “What do you want to do tonight?”

“Dunno.” Mark leaned over. Nicky accepted a chaste kiss, then swallowed his mouthful of fish. Mark smiled, slightly greasy fingers reaching over to cup the back of his head. “Ice-cream?”

“Clever.”

“I know. I thought of it.” Mark smirked. “Five years, yeah?” He whistled softly. “Madness.”

“Want to go for another five?”

“I'm not doing anything else.” Mark shrugged. Nicky snorted. He bundled up the newspaper, lifting it over onto his other side so he could snuggle in next to Mark. An arm draped around his shoulders. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Nicky smiled. “I've got an idea for tonight.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Nicky turned his head, mouth lifting to accidentally-on-purpose breathe over a perfect ear. He felt Mark shiver. “How about I eat out your arsehole?”

“Oh. Well. If you must.” Fingers squeezed his thigh, their fingers linking carefully. Nicky felt him shiver again. “What will I be doing?”

“You'll just be you.” Nicky smiled, squeezing a solid waist. “We'll figure the rest out as we go.”

“Good idea.”

“I know.” Nicky reached for the fish and chips again, holding the bundle out for Mark to take one. “I thought of it.”

 


End file.
